#69 - Only Lonely

Artist: Bon Jovi
Album: 7800 Fahrenheit
Other Versions: None
Era: early 80s "synth rock"

Lyrics
The finest video ever made in the history of time

Ok, first I need to talk about the video. The holy motherfucking grail of music videos.

This thing plays like they filmed a full-length movie and someone said "uh, we can't play an hour-and-a-half music video so you need to cut this down". So all of them got to go around and pick their favorite parts to stay in the video. It's disjointed and there's supposed to be a plot (okay there's like three plots) but it doesn't quite come across.

The plot(ish) as far as I see it: Bon Jovi's manager is an evil man. Jon is in love, but she is having some problems with their relationship. The gay biker mafia is evil and must be stopped.

I'm sure they're all supposed to tie together somehow. But either it's over my head or I'm over its head, because Hell if I know.

My favorite, favorite, favorite part of the video is when David, with his little upturned nose and his poofy fro thing, knocks the leader of the gay biker mafia up against the wall and the guy is terrified. He is a bad-ass biker who smashes cars with hatchets and he is scared of David freaking Bryan. It is the funniest thing I've ever seen.

Other high points: "MAN YOU SOLD US OUT.", "Man, they are not nice people.", "Forget her man, she's gone."(my first taste of just how wonderful and growly and mmm Tico's voice is), Jon gets laid, the manager's bling and his ugly pink suit.

Oh, and for the love of God, Jon gets so ridiculous in the performance scenes. HE PANTOMIMES "WIPES THE SMILE RIGHT OFF YOUR FACE". He felt the need to ACT THAT OUT. And he punches the air and tosses his head around and oh it's beautiful.

I would also like to point out I bought a hat once because it reminded me of the hat Jon wears in this video. Go watch it. You won't be sorry.

Oh God I love this song. So, so much. The video was my first encounter with it (and what a first encounter), and it cemented itself early on as one of my favorite Bon Jovi songs. When I picked up my copy of 7800 I was in the very early stages of my "David is my favorite" stage, and I saw his name with a credit for this song and it totally cemented him in my brain as hands-down the best.

The beat is my favorite beat ever. Ever. It's driving and hard and poundy and thumpy and I can't possibly listen to this song without moving to it. During the first verse, Tico's just clicking his sticks (hee, his sticks) and I love that and then everything kicks in and the drum is just BAM. When I was fairly new to Bon Jovi and fairly new to this song, it was one of those songs I loved but couldn't place why. I've figured it out, it's the drumming. And the bass.

Oh, the bass in this song. Oh God. It gallops. Dung dunga dung dunga dunga dung dung. It moves along and keeps the song going and it hits so hard that the parts where there's no bass are so different and it adds the impact to those parts that is necessary. This is bass-ing at its finest. I think of this song and it's the rhythm section that comes to mind first. It's so strong and it adds so much, and it's just goddamn.

Jon sings this with so much conviction. He isn't screaming, but his voice is incredibly strong. He's pouring emotion and conviction and just himself into every word. It amazes me how powerfully he sings this. When I sing along I have to clench my fists and just balls-out (figuratively speaking) rock out because he's so into it.

I would like to point out that when I first saw the title of this I was like "oh my God they rhymed 'only' with 'lonely'. Are they serious?"

They were. And it works. The whole song lyrically works. It's cheesy, but with that poundy beat and the galloping bass and the intensity of Jon's voice and Richie's guitar constantly crunching in at exactly the right times and those little freaking bell things it all comes together. It doesn't matter that it's cheesy because goddamit, they mean this cheese.

Best part of the song: "I've got this time bomb/ticking in my brain" and there's just the little ticking and the drum coming in at intervals and Jon's just intense and then "when I just can't LEEET GOOOOOOO". *Guitar solo*. Damn. Yes, yes, yes.

7800 was the last album where David's backing vocals were more prominent than Richie's. It worked well with the album, because it's a darker album and David's got a deeper, thicker voice than Richie which gives the vocals a darker feel. This song is more mesh-y than the others, but you can really hear David during the "o-onlay lo-onlay oh-ah-oh" parts and I like that.

This is a fucking fun, upbeat-but-still-hard (as hard as Bon Jovi got in the early 80s) rock song and I love it. Love it, love it, love it. I would give at minimum my right arm to hear this live. That's not exaggeration. I would borrow one of my roommate's bread knives and cut it off right now if Tico were to call and say "we would love to play Only Lonely live but we seem to be short on spare appendages. If you cut your right arm off for us we will fly you out here and you can watch us play it". It doesn't have to be Tico, even. Any one of them could call me.

My Rating: 10/10 (except, like, it's a 15. But for the sake of the rating system, I have to say 10)

Alright, for tomorrow, a hit from the 80s:

• You Give Love A Bad Name
• Never Say Goodbye
• Bad Medicine
• I'll Be There For You