#109 - Sympathy

Artist: Bon Jovi
Album: 100,000,000 Bon Jovi Fans Can't Be Wrong (Disc 3)
Other Versions: None
Era: Don't know for certain, assuming KTF/TD, most likely KTF

Lyrics

If I'd known then what I know now about Tico's voice, I would have skipped this one about 30 seconds in. As it was, I was following my rule to go through new cds in order, plus I wanted to build the anticipation for getting to hear someone new (specifically, "that ugly mafia-looking one" [yep, that's what I used to call Tico. I take back the "ugly", but the rest stands]) sing.

But I didn't know, and I followed the rules and listened to it all the way through, and eh. This isn't too bad, just astoundingly mediocre. I think it could have been good - maybe if they'd done it more like "Damned", with horns and shit. This version is so toned-down (and yeah I assume it was never more than a demo, but still) it just doesn't work.

It has a neat singable chorus. Actually the whole thing is kind of singable, lyrically. It's the tempo or the instruments or something that just messes with it. And "taste your empathy" is so hilariously easy to make dirty.

Two good points: "I've never been nobody's Valentine, and you never were a bride to be" is so awesomely bitchy. That is a catfight starter if I ever heard one. And the other is maracas. I love maracas. I think I have some kind of fetish for not-stereotypically-"rock" instruments. David with the accordion just about kills me, I love it when Jon brings out the tambourine, and maracas make me oddly happy. It's just fun to hardcore rock out to something nerd-tacular, or something you played in first grade music class.

I'm estimating they say "sympathy" a kamillion times in the song. It's the title, it's the theme, but come on. Overkill. And there's something off with Jon's voice - it's got that scratch in it that makes my throat hurt to listen to. Not the huskiness he gets when he goes low, it just sounds like he has a throat disease and he's straining his voice.

My Rating: 3/10

Bonus!
#108 1/2 - The Tico Song

Yeah, like I was gonna not write about this.

I just about died laughing first time I heard this, and I didn't even know Tico's name. It's the way Jon and Richie sing it - how they're just laughing through the whole thing. This sounds like something my friends and I would record at 3 in the morning when we've eaten half a chocolate cake and are just a pinch caffeine buzzed. Which is awesome, because it lets me hold on very firmly to my illusion they are all very very good friends first and a band second. And for once, Richie doing a stupid voice doesn't piss me off.

Oh God, and it's David playing the organ. Which is so neat - organ is supposed to be way more serious. Seriously, hardcore awesome. But the best part, hands down, is TICO IS PLAYING THE DRUMS. He plays for the song they are singing ABOUT HIM.

Oh, and the only things they know about Tico: His name, where he's from, he plays the drums, and he is their hero-slash-friend.

And, icing on the cake, according to my little translator thing, "Quiere mas macho" is "he wants but male". He wants only men? Are you SERIOUS?

THEY CALLED TICO GAY IN HIS SONG. While he is sitting there playing drums for them! That is so amazing. Too amazing for words.

His name is Tico
Quiere mas macho
His name is Tico
His name is Tico
He is my hero
(he's my amigo)
He is Cubano
His name Hec-Tico
His name Hec-Tico
(he plays the drum-o)
He is the Cubano
Magnificano
His name Hec-Tico
(he is my friend-o yeeeah)
Cubano

My Rating: A Million

Ok, and for tomorrow, cheesy unreleased 80s goodness:

• Does Anybody Really Fall in Love Anymore?
• Borderline