#96 - King of the Mountain

Artist: Bon Jovi
Album: 7800 Fahrenheit
Other Versions: None
Era: early 80s "synth rock"

Lyrics

Easily the worst song on 7800. Right from the beginning - "There's a hunger burning in the heart of their souls". Seriously, what the Hell. You self-righteous bastards.

I do like a couple things from this song. The absolute stupid dorkiness of the "oh no!" backing vocals never fails to make me laugh like a total moron. And the drumming here is way too sweet for words.

But God, this is just bad. It's cheesy but not in the good way. It's overblown, pompous at a time they had nothing to be bragging about, the lyrics are awful, the music is fairly generic. Out of its two redeeming qualities, one doesn't really count because I just like laughing about how stupid it is. And the other redeeming quality...not so big. It's not Tico's best work. So...yeah. This is crap. Whenever someone tells me they don't like 7800, I just assume they're talking about this and "(I Don't Wanna Fall) To The Fire".

And I swear to God, if I ever hear Jon complain about having to work 9 to 5 again I will shoot him. You worked in a record studio and met rock stars and got to record your demos with experienced studio musicians. Your bandmates were all doing music primarily, not working 9 to 5. None of you did the mundane office life thing, so STOP IT. You had connections that led to you living your dream. Why is that so terrible?

My Rating: 1/10

Mellow out with the box set, homies:

• I Just Want to Be Your Man
• Maybe Someday